Back in the day, the Chicago Symphony Orchestra would play the 1812 Overture to accompany the Taste of Chicago fireworks display. Now, I have never been so stupid as to actually go downtown and fight the mass of drunken humanity crowding the lake shore to see the fireworks in person, but I will usually interupt the Sci-Fi channel Twilight Zone marathon to watch the fireworks on television.

This year, they were raving about how the show was all computer controlled and that they had 12 songs that all the fireworks were choreographed to.

Well, it was one of the most depressing experiences of my life.

If I wanted to listen to Coldplay or Good Charlotte…well, to be perfectly honest…I would place my scrotum in a vice and twist it until my screams reached a pitch well above the human register. Then I would light myself on fire, shove a living snake up my ass and pull my toenails out with pliers.

That is what I would do before I wanted to listen to Coldplay or Good Charlotte, and I jolly good Goddamned well do not want to hear them during the fireworks display.

Idiots.

Might as well have watched Goodfellas on cable.

John Paxson has finally gotten something right.

Time to build a team around Derrick Rose.

(taken from northtonorth.com)

Hello everyone, I am now done at the Score. I met with management this past Friday and since I wouldn’t accept the deal they offered; they told me I wasn’t allowed to be on the air anymore. I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye so here goes… I wanted to say my 16 1/2 years with the Score were awesome. When I was on the air, it was unreal. To be able to entertain, have fun, and sometimes get serious… well you never knew what would happen on a daily basis. I want to thank all the listeners and callers who not only laughed at me but with me. I heard from a lot of you over the years, and good or bad, I always welcomed your comments. To do radio in my hometown at such a great station was an honor. To all the people I used to work with and I work with now, I say thank you. To the advertisers on my show and on the station who were always with me thank you for being there. Without you, there is no station. The sales staff at the Score was always second to none; we made some bucks together. Thanks to you guys too. You’ll be hearing from us real soon. Keep your eyes and ears open and stay tuned. On behalf of Be-Be, Lucky, myself, and everyone associated with us, thank you once again. -Mike North

That’s right. WSCR original Mike North appears to be parting ways with the station. I must admit I have never been a fan of Pappy. I find him to be a perfect storm of ignorance and arrogance. A sufferer of constant verbal diarrhea, nothing about Mike North’s shows, and I have heard several different time slots and pairings, has ever appealed to me. Not because I disagree with him most of the time (which I do), but because his opinions are never properly articulated. He never gives stats or facts or even just a reason for why he thinks and feels the way he does. He just says something, expects everyone to agree with him and moves on to a new, equally useless point.

To be fair, I have heard nothing but good things about Mike North off the airwaves. People whom I know that know him or have had encounters with him have expressed to me that he is a giving and kind person, but for an average listener like myself, Mike North has come off as little more than a bigot and a bully, and I will not miss his mind-numbing rants on my airwaves.

I do wish the best for Mike North and his production staff. I hope those that are not kept at WSCR catch on elsewhere. I don’t wish ill on anyone…I am just happy that I will be able to tune in from 6-10 am now and not want to throw my radio out the window anymore. Midday hosts and Chicago Sun Times reporters Mike Mulligan & Brian Hanley have filled in the past two days and are likely to take over the slot permanently.

The first time I saw a George Carlin performance was probably when I was between the ages of 12-15. I cannot recall exactly how old I was, but I know for sure that it was his HBO special at Carnegie Hall, which he filmed in 1982. For the record, I was only 1 year old in 1982, so I most certainly saw it in rerun. The whole special is great, but at that age the thing that I found most appealing was the end of the special which featured his unabridged list of filthy words you cannot say on tv. The bit was born 10 years earlier on his record “Class Clown” and the original list was only 7 words long (shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker & tits). To pare down a story that happened well before my time, Carlin’s original seven word list was a catalyst that lead to the FCC cracking down on what is and isn’t appropriate to be broadcast over open airwaves. Seeing as how I grew up my entire life under these FCC regulations, getting to see someone on tv swearing up a storm and using words that I dare not say and words that I didn’t even know at the time* was unbelievably exciting for me.

As I grew older and became more capable of independent thought, Carlin’s stand up comedy took on a whole new meaning for me. I came to realize that he was more than a guy who did funny voices and funny faces who said a lot of swear words. George Carlin was a philosophizer. He was a brilliant man who was taking monumentally big ideas about religion and politics and language and the human condition and not only making them understandable to the average American, but also making them interesting and exciting to someone who would otherwise have no interest or exposure to such topics. George Carlin’s righteous anger, questioning of authority and arrogant cynicism shaped the way I viewed the world around me and effected the way I feel and think more than any other single person I’ve ever known. He is as close to a personal hero and role model as I ever found.

His juxtapositioning of such heavy and important thoughts through a flippant and matter-of-fact delivery has not and never will be replicated. George Carlin has made me laugh harder and more than any comedian or movie. He has raised more interesting and important questions than any great mind of his time and many that came before him. He has made me think harder and more deeply than any teacher or book, and he made more salient and logical points than any politician or man of the cloth. His words and thoughts resonate with me and I will certainly mourn the loss of this one of a kind, astoundingly funny and intelligent man.

It was obvious in his last two HBO specials that Carlin was not long for this world. His body and his memory had begun to show the signs of not only his age, but his years of hardcore substance abuse. His mind, though, was as sharp as ever, as his most recent material was some of the most scathing and biting commentaries he has ever offered up.

My cousin Ed, with whom I had the pleasure of seeing George Carlin perform live about 8 or 9 years ago, put it best when he said that Carlin was a man who “fulfilled his life’s mission.” Although I think he could have continued to be atop the mountain of stand up comedy for many years to come, he did more with his 40 plus years in the public spotlight than hacks like Dane Cook could do in 10 times that.

He will be missed.

Life is Worth Losing

*While posting, I remembered one term that was buried in his long list that I did not even know the meaning of until I wikipediaed it today…daisy chain.

It is now Friday, June the twentieth, year of Our Lord two thousand and eight. That means the single most overheated and unnecessarily grandiose event on the Chicago sports landscape is upon us.

THE CROSSTOWN CLASSIC

The first three of six games that have a lot more importance to the tribal fan bases of the teams than to the players of the teams themselves. I do not know why it is that the fans and media see fit to make this into baseball Armageddon, but - it’s not. It’s just an interleague series between two teams who happen to share the same city as their home. It’s really not that big a deal.

There are, in fact, compelling stories about both teams right now, independent of the facrical hype machine that is the Crosstown Classic, though.

The Chicago White Sox
The surprising 41-31 Chicago White Sox hold a 4.5 game lead in the American League Central. Some guy named Carlos Quentin has like a billion home runs and runs batted in and has, essentially, carried the team for the bulk of the season. He has had to carry the team is because Paul Konerko is batting .215 and Jim Thome is batting .228. Konerko was actually just put on the DL this week with an oblique strain. Luckily for the Sox, the starting staff and bullpen have been, for the most part, brilliant. Gavin Floyd has flirted with a no hitter several times and has posted 8 wins to 3 losses. Pitching’s answer to Julio Franco, Jose Contreras, has somewhat regained his mystifying form, only allowing 4 home runs in 94 innings. John Danks has been snakebit most of the season, with an ERA under 3 but only a 4-4 record in 14 starts to show for it and Javier Vasquez continues to be a reliable strikeout machine with 93 K in 96 IP. The ever important back end of the bullpen has been solid, anchored by Bobby Jenks who is 16-19 in the save department. Scott Linebrink and Matt Thornton seem to have their act together as set up men and when Octavio Dotel has his good stuff (which is NOT always), he is fairly nasty. The Sox followed up a 7 game winning streak at the beginning of the month by getting swept in Detroit and losing 2 of 3 to the Colorado Rockies at home. Coming into the series against the Cubs at Wrigley, though, the Sox got fat against the Pittsburgh Pirates and their dancing cavalcade of awful Pirates starters with funny names (Snell, Gorzelanny & Dumatrait), scoring approximately 600 runs in 3 games and sweeping the Pirates out of Chicago.

The Chicago Cubs
The 45-28 Chicago Cubs have a 3.5 game lead over the St. Louis Cardinals in the NL Central and have spent the bulk of the season enjoying the billing as one of, if not THE best team in baseball. The unlikely heroes of the north side have been closer-turned-starter Ryan Dempster and rookie backstop Geovany Soto. Dempster has, somehow, been the ace of the staff. He shares the team lead for wins (8 ) with Carlos Zambrano and leads the team in lowest losses and ERA at 2 and 2.76 respectively. I don’t really know how and why Dempster has been so effective and I am still terrified that he is going to implode any day now, but up until this point he has been a stud. His battery mate Geovany Soto has not only been excellent behind the plate, but also standing aside where he has spent the past 2 1/2 months tearing the cover off the ball to the tune of .282/.365/.525 with 12 HR and 43 RBI. Soto is rookie of the year material. Japanese import Kosuke Fukudome plays an excellent right field and was just moved into the lead off spot in the lineup after Alfonso Soriano went on the DL after getting HBP in the hand and breaking a bone. Fukudome leads the team with a .403 OBP, so this move should hopefully pay off. Set up man Carlos Marmol has the absolute sickest, filthiest, nastiest stuff in all of baseball. Period. No doubt about it. Kerry Wood has also proven effective, although gut-wrenching at times, in the closer role with 18 saves in 22 attempts. While they started off June strong, the Cubs are heading into this weekend’s series after suffering a sweep at the hands of the mighty mighty Tampa Bay Devil Rays down in Tampa. Worse than the sweep, though, is the fact that Carlos Zambrano left Thursday’s game early with shoulder pain and is set to undergo an MRI. It has already been announced that he will miss his next start.

The crosstown classic…let the insanity begin.

I planned to start working out to compliment my dieting on Monday. Unfortunately, the baby kept wifey and I up for almost then entire night, so I was far too exhausted to exhaust myself first thing in the morning on Monday and I pushed it until Tuesday. After a good night’s sleep, I got up at 9:30 to get my work in. I did a vigorous mile on the elliptical and then started a mobility workout laid out by the Titleist Performance Institute. For the uninitiated, that site is pretty spectacular, particularly because it is absolutely FREE to join. It is chock full of videos ranging from swing drills to exercise and stretches and weights for the golfer who is looking to repair or elevate his/her game.

That’s right…I’m using a workout plan specifically designed to help golfers.

Would you expect anything less?

In all fairness, though, the stretching routine I am doing (Mobility Workout A for those of you who sign up for a FREE account) is no joke and as I sit here and type this having just completed my routine, I am in all sorts of pain in places that I didn’t know I had - which is good. It probably doesn’t help that I am doing a few more reps than the workout guidelines recommend, but I like to push myself and feel like I am actually accomplishing something.

I have decided that my years of inactivity has rendered my body stiff and unyielding, so instead of focusing on morphing myself into Bruce Lee, it would benefit me to work on my range of motion as I lose weight. Chasing my daughter around playgrounds and trying to squeeze my fat and unflexible ass down tube slides with her has become embarrassing, so I will hold off on the serious weight training until I am at my target weight (which I haven’t even set yet). I feel like my upper body gets enough of a workout slinging mops and pushing around 2000 rpm buffing machines all day and my lower body tackles far more stairs than the average bloke (I refuse to take the elevator at work unless I am moving something I cannot carry), so for the time being, I am going to work on being able to touch my toes before I work on being able to bench 400 lbs.

Stretching fucking hurts.

I was busy with dinner and the baby and the Cubs so I wasn’t paying attention to game 6 of the NBA Finals for most of the night, but when I tuned in with 9:00 left in the 4th quarter and the Celtics were up by 30 POINTS I was a little shocked to say the least. I mean, the Celtics are a good team but 30 DAMN POINTS?!?!?!? Not just any old 30 point 4th quarter lead in game 6 of the finals either…this was against Kobe Bryant’s Lakers, and the last I checked, Kobe Bryant is no slouch.

The thing that shocked me most was that, even though they had already taken out their star players and their second tier star players and were playing mostly big fat guys and little skinny guys, the Celtics did not step off the accelerator for a damn minute. They were chucking up three pointers and dunking on Laker faces. They were throwing baseball passes at from half court to get open shots, and they were still trying to prevent those guys in purple and yellow from getting an open look or easy two. I can’t tell you with what level of intensity the first 39 minutes were played but the last 9 were a lot more fast and physical than one would expect in a drubbing.

Anyway…congrats to the Celtics and their fans. Congrats to KG and Ray Allen, too.

I cannot fucking believe that this fucking thing retails for $250.00 Goddamned dollars. My brief encounter with this fantastic flat stick occurred in the pro shop at the Top Golf location in Wood Dale and it was a heavenly, religious experience. It was as though I was not even holding a golf club…it was like I was just willing the ball to the cup with my brain waves. Everything about it is perfect. The weight and balance and grip and alignment and look and feel…there is really nothing negative I can say about this putter after lagging ten or fifteen practice balls with it, and prior to falling in love with this beautiful blade I tried everything else they had to throw at me. Odyssey White Hot. Odyssey Black. Cleveland VP1…I tried all the high-end putters they had and after the first ball I struck with the Redwood ZB I was hooked, and now I am fiending to add this to my bag…to replace my Top Flite PS01 which has served me well but seen better days. It will take strokes off my game but the cheapest I can find it is still too rich for my damn blood. With the economy bleeding from the asshole and gas prices trending towards “first born,” how am I supposed to explain to my wife that I need to spend over one third of my weekly pay on a piece of equipment for a game that I can barely afford to play more than 3 or 4 times a month?

So, in summation…does anyone have a 35″ Ping Redwood ZB they are looking to part with??? Or perhaps $250.00 they are looking to part with???

For those who have not been watching all weekend, the 2008 U.S. Open at Torrey Pines in San Diego has been quite a roller coaster ride. Many lead changes and stories, the most important of which, of course, involve Tiger Woods. One month removed from left knee surgery and in obvious pain, Tiger came into Sunday leading the tournament at -3 after an absolutely inspired and unbelievable back 9 on Saturday that featured 2 birdies and an eagle. The first hole at Torrey Pines had given him fits all week and Sunday was no different. He pulled his drive over the gallery and into some thick, nasty grass. His attempt to get out of said thick, nasty grass resulted him being further ahead in the same thick, nasty grass. His attempt to get to the green from said thick, nasty grass was thwarted by some tree branches. In the end, Tiger put up a double bogey on the starting hole for a second straight day.

Rocco Mediate, on the other hand, played a steady, far less manic round today, as he had in the previous 3 days. Rocco spent most of the tournament near the top of the leaderboard, popping in and out of the first spot here and there, but always on the first page. Rocco posted 1 double bogey in four rounds to Tiger’s 4 doubles. Otherwise Rocco was all birdies (14), pars (46) and bogeys (11). Tiger, in addition to the 4 double bogeys, notched 3 eagles in his 72 holes.

Rocco was playing in the next-to-last group with Geoff Ogilvy and Tiger was playing in the final group with Lee Westwood who also was in it right up until the end. Mediate put up a 2-putt par on the 18th after pulling his drive into the first cut, ruining any chance of reaching the green in two. Westwood and Woods came into the 18th both needing an eagle to win or birdie to tie. Both men put their tee shots into fairway bunkers. Both men elected to lay up out of the sand, although Tiger’s lay up ran into the primary cut of rough and was laying in a depression that someone had played out of earlier.

He managed to put it on and left himself about a 10-12 foot putt to force a playoff. Westwood ended up away with about a 15 footer and choked away his chance to tie Mediate when his downhill putt lost speed and broke a foot or so before the cup. He tapped in for par to finish +1 for the Open.

Tiger looked over his putt for quite a while.

He putted.

The end result:

Tiger’s putt was right edge and lipped around the back of the cup before dropping in on the left edge.

18 hole playoff.

My heart is saying “Rocco!” My heart, though, is soft as a grape and loves rooting for John Q. Everyman.

My brain and my sense of logic and reason, though, are screaming “TIGER!!!!!!” at the top their lungs. My brain, sense of logic and reason are a little more pragmatic and realize that, unless Tiger’s knee completely gives out and he has to golf from his knees like Tim Conway as Dorf, that he will win the playoff.

I’ll be up at 11 to watch the coverage. That’s for sure.

Of the listed bass players, please tell me who is your favorite and why.

Bass players are sexually rhythmic.

*****

John Entwistle - The Who

Style - Bewildering

Suggested listening: “The Real Me”

*****

Geddy Lee - Rush

Style - Grandiose

Suggested Listening - “Red Barchetta”

*****

Steve Harris - Iron Maiden

Style - Cyclone of fingers

Suggested Listening - “Invaders”

*****

William Murderface - Dethklok

Style - Plays bass with wang

Suggested Listening - “Go Into The Water”

*****

Jack Bruce - Cream

Style - Improv

Suggested Listening - “Badge”

*****

Bootsy Collins

Style - Understated

Suggested Listening - “Stretchin’ Out”

*****

Derek Smalls - Spinal Tap

Style - Double neck bass

Suggested Listening - “Big Bottom”

*****

Deliberately left off the list:

Flea (disqualified for his role in The Chase)

Les Claypool (not human)

John Paul Jones (not particularly good at bass)

Victor Wooten (jazz lol)

Cliff Burton (yeah)